5:24pm.

I'm still breathing.

Working at the state park is excellent, even on rainy days like this where we are liberating fields of planted trees from their plastic tube-restraints.

There is someone quite special in my life, with sun-bleached hair and big green eyes, complete with a heart-stopping smile that veritably glows in the dark. Things are always complicated, though. We work together and the risk of getting deeply involved is a very high risk--no matter what happens between us, we will have to keep working together for the next 10 months. We have some thinking to do. However, when have I ever been a person to follow a presumptuous logic over the sensation I get when my head crosses my heart. In short, I'm falling for him, and would I give that up only to wonder what would have happened once the year is over? Nothing is ever uncomplicated.

The group of us is supposed to go see Iron and Wine in Philly in a few weeks--I am terribly excited as they are now my favorite band and I can't stop listening to them. That's all for now, I suppose.

Still here.

1. I'm still alive.

2. Work is very hectic.

3. I've met someone and he is fanTASTic.

4. I am old and need to be in bed by 9:30 so details will follow at another time.

5. :)

Horseshit.

Here is a prime example of why I hate people, and why I need to be away from them 90% of the time.

I pull into the WalMart parking lot and parked along side the WalMart is a rather expensive-looking car full of older people. The man in the driver's seat is literally throwing trash from inside the car onto the pavement as he finds it inside. I thought, surely not, surely trash has only fallen from the car when he opened his door and it was an accident. Well, I was wrong, and when he caught me looking in disgust at the litter all over the ground as we drove by, he yelled out (with the elderly people in the backseat) "What the fuck you lookin' at? Come over here and clean it up!"

Enough said.

Rainy day.

I looove me some rainy days. It justifies (for me) sitting around doing nothing, and taking the occasional nap with the dog. I cashed my last big paycheck from Barnes and Noble today, saw the chiropractor, visited the grandparents, took a nap with Tink, blabbed joyfully with Andrea for a while, looked up some AWESOME grad schools in the UK, and then did some note-taking out of a book that I haven't gotten around to reading about the evolution of the human mind. Interesting stuff, but a little boring as he's mainly talking about the recent research out there on the topic. That's how it goes though, you have to wade through that crap before the author can get to HIS point. It feels good though, to be keeping up with anthropology of my own free will and even taking notes so I can absorb the material better. Call me a nerd if you must, but I can't get enough of it.

The new job started Monday and all the people seem to be pretty cool--there's a girl from Montana, a guy from Illinois, a couple kids from Pennsylvania, and then a few locals. We mostly just toured the three parks we'll be spending most of our time at (Susquehanna, Rocks, and Elk Neck) and then put up a sign (digging holes, mmm). Wednesday we learned how to weld (hardest thing EVER), drove Gators, and got to drive one of those big ass John Deer tractors. Oh yes, I drove the tractor. I think I'm going to be getting into trouble a lot though, two mornings in a row I've been accidentally starting trouble. Tuesday morning I missed the turn into the park because I was distracted by all the beautiful mist in the post-dawn morning, and when I tried to turn around I got stuck in a damn ditch. The front end was resting on the bank so the tires were just spinning out. I also happened to be totally on E so with every press of the accelerator I was dying a little inside. Then in the middle of explaining the story to my mom (who didn't think it was half as funny as I did) my cell phone cuts out and leaves her in a panic. So one of the guys that volunteers at the park doing maintenence came down and hauled me out, but then wouldn't let me live it down (as well he shouldn't, I suppose). Then Wednesday I got there a half hour early and decided to go for a hike since no one was coming until 9, but by the time I got back from the hike Margit (my boss) was like looking in my car window, wondering aloud where I could be and then when she saw me she had this huge sigh of relief--it was 9:20 and they were starting to worry because my car was there but I wasn't. Then later that day I was pulling on a vine in the woods and I got in trouble because apparently a guy did that once and the tree was rotted and it crashed on him and crippled him. Oops. Our boss is awesome though, she teaches classes sometimes on survival in the wild and she's studied with one of the few great American trackers. I think I want to be her when I grow up. In 2 weeks they are taking us to Assateague Island (an island on the Eastern Shore of MD where a colony of wild ponies live) to build a peer, so I can't wait to spend a week there, then the next week we are going away again to do firefighting training. The pay might suck, but in the first month we will have traveled all over Maryland, welded, seen awesome wildlife, and learned how to firefight.

Anywho, Wednesday afternoon I went down to C-town to visit peeps. Reb was there and let me crash in her hotel room (roomies just like old times ::sniffle, tear::) and I miss her sooooo freagin' much. We hung out with Tree and Adam and those peeps, got to spend a lot of quality time with Chris which I really miss (although all he did was give me flat tires and roll his eyes at me--nothing changes, but that's how I like it). By 10:30pm however, Reb and I were both exhausted and ready for bed (the 8-4 grind does that to you when you graduate) and despite much-appreciated begging from our comrades to stay or just come back to WAC, we admitted that we were old and had to go to bed before midnight. The next day I got up to visit Dr. C (my ecology professor, funniest human being alive) who suggested that to curve my propensity for wandering off in the woods and worrying my coworkers, they should install a little shocker into my hard hat (yes I have my own hard hat, it's green) so whenever I start to go "soft-eyed" and gaze off, they can bring me back to attention. Then I hung out with Bev whom I also super-duper miss and we had some laughs, and then I forced her to eat lunch in the dining hall with me and Chris, whom was kind enough to tolerate my blatherings about the hot French guy that's doing exchange this semester that I spotted on campus. And by tolerate I mean mock endlessly. It was so good to be on campus and hang out with those crazy kids that enriched my life in ways I didn't even realize, but Bev and Reb agreed that there is a definite disconnection once you are no longer a student. It's a totally different mind-set, but it's nice to know that we can go back anytime and our friends don't want us to leave again.

I also got to see Jeremy and Justice (brothers) last night which was good, I haven't seen either of them in forever. I also stopped by Barnes and Noble and got to see Joaquin, Janell, and Abby, AND this kid that goes to College Park (in fact I call him College Park because I don't know his real name) that I talked to ocassionally when he came in to study came over and sat with me for a few minutes to chat. And John, Jari, and Tina emailed me so it was also wonderful to hear from all of them. I feel like I've met/seen/heard from so many awesome people in the last week, it's been fantabulous! And when they take us down to Assateague, we will be spending the week with the entire Maryland Conservation Corps which totals about 40 people. I'm looking forward to meeting new people but I am NOT looking forward to sharing a bathroom with them all. (I'm not a publicly-enabled potty user)

Ok, I think that's it for now, if you've made it this far, congratulations!

Rrgh.

So today was the first day on the new job and that was jim dandy. We explored Susquehanna State and Rocks State Parks and got a feel for where we'll be spending most of our time. Since the Elk Neck crew doesn't have a director yet, we're going to be squished together with them for the next month which should be a lot of fun. All the people seem super cool and we got along well today. The drive is killer though, so boring. I'm considering books on CD.

On the absolute SHIT side, Sallie Mae has -finally- replied to one of my emails about my upcoming loan repayment. They haven't said a word to me about the big loans--of which I have 3--until just now, a month before they go into repayment. Apparently they won't get deferred like my other ones and the monthly bill will be about $204. I hate this planet. It's just so frustrating. Everyone says "go to college so you can get a good job" and then you CAN'T find a good job and then the bill collectors say "sorry you can't find a good job but you owe us $400 a month". Thankfully my other 5 loans get deffered while I'm doing this program. UGH. Thank god AmeriCorps gives you an educational award at the end, otherwise I'd be haulin' ass at the cafe. BLEH. I hate society. In Finland, you don't have to pay for college and it's just as good as anywhere else. Hmph.